Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Flatmate Wanted

Yuuka and Fleur

Hey! We're looking for a calm, considerate, creative, green-minded vegan with NO ANGER AT ALL to share our lovely home which is situated in the heart of the vibrant People's Republic of Stokes Croft. My name is Yuuka (used to be Cathy but I changed it) and I am training to be a psychophonetics counsellor and Fleur is not working at the moment as she has recently tried to kill herself. We are both totally laid back and chilled. We are also quite political (we really hate Tesco and homeless people) so if you're not passionate about these things it might not work out! The room has an AMAZING energy and is really sunny, even though it's north-facing! Weird! can't wait to hear from you!!! Love and peace. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Hello, I am looking for a lodger to live in my large town house in Montpelier. I live here alone as my children have all grown up and left me which of course is normal and part of life I work from home most days so the would be best suited to someone who is hardly ever around. I am at home most mornings, most afternoons and most evenings. And most nights. People with partners or who are likely to meet a partner need not apply. Also, if you have friends over, I would be grateful if you could either not have them over, have them over when I am out (but make sure that they leave at least 30 minutes before I am due home) or give me at least 12 hours notice. I know all this sounds quite controlling but it's better to lay down the ground rules from the outset. The room is just off the kitchen on the ground floor (easy access to washing machine) and can fairly easily fit a single bed if you don't mind sleeping with the door open. The rent is £700 pcm, exclusive of bills. If you want to call me about the room, please text me first and then wait for 20 minutes and then call. If I don't answer then I don't know what to suggest.


Looking for a person to live in my house for six months while I try to sell it. Recently divorced. My 12-year-old son comes to stay for half the week and will be sleeping on the bottom bunk in your room so I'm not really sure whether I should be asking for a woman or a man. I guess I'll decide when I meet you. Incidentally, the part of the week that my son comes to stay, I usually have go to London for work. The house is in a bit of a mess but it's not too bad. You can have money off the rent if you do the odd bit of cleaning. Hobbies include: emails, walking round the block and making toast. Call any time. Cheers.


  1. Robz

    Hi I need a flatmate. I got a 2.5 metre plasma HD TV with full 8.1 sound system. I got PS3, Wii and Sky. If you’ve got a decent blu-ray collection then sure I’m interested but we’d probably have to store it under the stairs there’s no appropriate space on the shelves because my collection’s alphabeticised. Interested in hearing from people who reckon Chris Nolan can’t make a decent film for shit especially if he’s like going to re-write the whole fucking Dark Knight canon in like just 3 completely underwhelming movies FFS. I’m also not into subtitled stuff unless it’s got martial arts in it. As a general pointer maybe you’ll fit the bill if you think Die Hard II is better than the original which I know is controversial but fuck it. And fuck you if you disagree just stop reading now. PS at present I do not have a washing machine.


    MICROBES. Do you believe in the terrifying power of MICROBES? I need a FLATMATE who understands that MICROBES are both our best friend and WORST ENEMY. Bishopston, 3 bedrooms (1 for me, 1 for you, 1 for DISINFECTING) pleasant ‘LIVING’ room with sprinkler system and WRAPPED-IN-PLASTIC theme. Some people take a while to get used to the KITCHEN because of the cooking / eating beneath UV LIGHTS, but I can assure you after a short while the outside world will look like the SICKENING PIT OF FILTH which it generally is (especially around Gloucester Road.) Would suit someone who enjoys not shaking hands and not eating or storing anything grown in compost. I’ll need you to provide 3 references, at least 2 of which must be from a recognised medical practitioner (by which I do not include DENTISTS.) I will also have to decline your application if you’ve travelled to a tropical country AT ANY TIME EITHER AFTER OR IMMEDIATELY PRIOR TO BIRTH. Looking forward to hearing from some great, clean people!