## Tuesday, 13 November 2012

### Horoscopes

November

Scorpio

You have a tendency to shout too loud this month. It's because you're an attention seeker, which is fine, but do try to keep it down for the latter part of the month because your power animal is going into hibernation and probably won't want to be disturbed. Also: knees.

Sagittarius

Lifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelfielifelife!!!!!!

Capricorn

If you're feeling low this month, don't worry; it's because the moon's pressing on your liver a little bit. If you're not feeling low, buy some spikes. You'll know what to do.

Aquarius

Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, Polly out the kettle on, we'll all have tea! If you don't know why this is in your horoscope this month, you need to do some serious work on yourself. Loser.

Pisces

Get rid of all your buckets. Or anything bucket-like. We're not sure if this includes cups or not. It probably does.

Aries

Andy? Are you Andy? Where's Andy? WHERE THE FUCK IS ANDY.

Taurus

Well, well well... (this is a link. You need to click on it)

Gemini

Somebody, somewhere really misses you. It's someone who really misses you. They haven't seen you for ages and they wish they could. They really miss you. They think about you a lot. They really think about you. In a missing you sort of way. You won't know who it is but they will. Because it's them who misses you.

Cancer

This month is your month for the Michell Solution! Well done, Cancer!

\begin{align} \varphi &= A_0~r^2 + B_0~r^2~\ln(r) + C_0~\ln(r) + D_0~\theta \\ & + \left(A_1~r + B_1~r^{-1} + B_1^{'}~r~\theta + C_1~r^3 + D_1~r~\ln(r)\right) \cos\theta \\ & + \left(E_1~r + F_1~r^{-1} + F_1^{'}~r~\theta + G_1~r^3 + H_1~r~\ln(r)\right) \sin\theta \\ & + \sum_{n=2}^{\infty} \left(A_n~r^n + B_n~r^{-n} + C_n~r^{n+2} + D_n~r^{-n+2}\right)\cos(n\theta) \\ & + \sum_{n=2}^{\infty} \left(E_n~r^n + F_n~r^{-n} + G_n~r^{n+2} + H_n~r^{-n+2}\right)\sin(n\theta) \end{align}

Leo

There will be lights. There will be cameras. They might be action. If there is action, it will probably be in a car park near Wigan. You're lovely. xxx

Virgo

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Libra

Tick tock, tick, tock, tick tock. Uh oh...
Also: Whales.