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Friday, 27 March 2015

A - Z #12

Jobs You Probs Shouldn't Do If You've Ever Been Depressed

(Or, Fuck You, Daily Mail)


Astronaut cos you might jump out of spaceship on purpose
Baker cos you might stick your head in the oven
Cleaner cos you might drink bleach or swallow a load of broken dishes
Dog walker cos you might train the dog to kill you
Engineer cos you might engineer your own death
Farmer cos you might lie in field when it's minus 15 degrees with no clothes on
Golfer cos you might club yourself to death
Hitman/woman cos you might hit yourself
Inventor cos you might invent a new way to kill yourself
Jackhammer operator cos you might jackhammer the fuck out of yourself
Knitter cos you might knit yourself into a suicidal stupor
Long distance lorry driver cos you might drive off the edge of the planet
Milliner cos you might invent a special hat that suffocates you
Nun cos you might pray yourself to death
Optician cos you might stare at those letters until a subliminal message appears
Poacher cos you might jump into a bear trap headfirst
Quilt maker cos you might make a poisonous quilt for yourself
Runner cos you might run into a burning building
Swimmer cos you might swim into loads of sharks
Teacher cos you might teach yourself how to commit suicide
Undertaker cos you might end up undertaking yourself
Vending machine operator cos you might make a vending machine fall on you
Window cleaner cos you might decide to fall to your death from your window cleaning thing
X-ray technician cos you might radiate yourself to smithereens
Youth worker cos you might inject yourself with loads of cans of cokes
Zoo

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