The thing that Ellie likes best
about her new school is the corridors. They didn't have corridors at her old
school. Ellie feels important when she walks down a corridor; like some kind of silent animal that knows things. Ellie likes it. But
as soon as she realises she likes it, Ellie becomes self-conscious and
doesn't know what to do with her hands. They feel too big and too heavy and too
part of her body.
Sometimes, when Ellie's walking
down a corridor, she sees Laura-Jane. Laura-Jane is half Italian. Laura-Jane
says, alright? instead of hello. Laura-Jane is beautiful and
dangerous and the boys think she’s fit and Laura-Jane absolutely knows it but
doesn’t ever talk about it because she just knows it too much. Once, at lunch,
Ellie was sitting near Laura-Jane and Laura-Jane looked over to Ellie and said, alright? and Ellie nodded and said, yeah and Laura-Jane said let's see your shoes so Ellie showed her the shoes she was
wearing which was an awful moment. And Laura-Jane said cool. And now, whenever Laura-Jane sees Ellie, she says alright? and Ellie gets an adrenaline
pain in her chest.
One day, Ellie is on the bus home
from school and someone at the back shouts, hey.
She looks behind her and there's a
boy, a man maybe, looking at her. He’s got stubble and dark, dark hair and big
shoulders and his voice is deep; the kind of deep voice that you only have
after having had a deep voice for a few years. He's the one shouting hey and he's shouting it at Ellie. Ellie
says, do you mean me and the boy or
man says come over here a sec and
Ellie says why and he says cos we wanna ask you something. So,
Ellie walks over to him while the bus is still moving which makes her wobble
from side to side. She doesn’t know where to go after she’s arrived at the back
of the bus. But then the boy or man says fucking
move over, Matt, let her sit down, you prick and Ellie sits down next to
him. She can smell him and his smell is sweet and thick and she likes it. He
says what's your name then and Ellie
says, Ellie. And he says cool, what do you think my name is and
Matt and some others start laughing and looking at her. Ellie says, you’re Mark, aren’t you And the boy or
man looks at Matt and says, wicked. Ellie looks
out the window a bit. Then, Mark nudges her thigh with his thigh and says, how old are you and Ellie says twelve and Mark says fuck off I thought you were much older than
that. And then he says how old do you
think I am and Ellie says, I dunno,
maybe twenty five and Mark says fuck
off I'm eighteen. And his friends laugh into their jackets. So does Ellie.
Not into her jacket, though. Mark looks at Ellie up and down. And Ellie says did you really think I was much older
and Mark says fuck yeah, like sixteen.
And his friends laugh into their jackets again.
Ellie looks out the window and
doesn’t know if she’s smiling or not. She rubs her hands for no reason and she
can feel that the skin on them is really dry. This is because she had swimming
today. The skin on her hands and face is always really dry after swimming and
she hates it. She hates how her hair goes after swimming, too. It feels like
it’s made out of a cold, liquid metal.
Mark says, oi, I wanna ask you something and Ellie turns to face him and she
can feel the sun coming in through the window and warming the back of her head.
Has anyone ever told you that you're
beautiful? Ellie feels like she needs to swallow but that if she does, it
will make a stupid noise, so she doesn't swallow and when she starts to speak,
there's quite a lot of saliva in her mouth and she nearly spits a bit out. And
she says no, not really. And Mark
says well you are. You're well beautiful.
And Ellie says that's cool and
clenches her jaw and gets a griping pain in her stomach.
At home that night, Ellie's mum tells her she has to have a bath. She has to get in the same bath water
as her sister. The way the water looks reminds Ellie of that milk with no fat
some people drink. In the bath, Ellie thinks about Laura-Jane. She thinks about
the way Laura-Jane walks and the sound of her voice which is husky and cool.
Ellie hears her own voice in her head doing Laura-Jane’s voice. She can tell
that she’s really good at doing it. Ellie wonders what Laura-Jane’s handwriting
is like. She bets herself it looks like foreign writing, in a good way. Ellie
wonders what Laura-Jane’s bedroom is like. She bets herself it’s like an
eighteen-year-old’s. Ellie thinks about Laura-Jane being with a boy. She thinks
about Laura-Jane climbing on top of a boy and taking her top off and letting
her hair fall down over her face and saying something amazing at just the right
moment. And she thinks about how much the boy would like it and how lucky the
boy would think he was to have Laura-Jane on top of him. And, after a little
while, Ellie shakes her head quickly and involuntarily, and then she says no out loud without meaning to and feels
ugly.
On the bus the next day, Mark
sits next to Ellie without asking. He tells her what aftershave he's wearing
(Fahrenheit), what he has for breakfast every single day (one and a half pieces
of toast with marmite), who his favourite super model is (Claudia Schiffer),
which football team he supports (Juventus) and what NVQs he's doing (Business,
Media Studies and Health & Fitness).
He gets Ellie to repeat all of it back to him so that he knows she's listened.
She has listened. Mark makes jokes about Ellie being in Year Seven and asks her
if all the boys in her year have squeaky voices and no stubble. Mark shows
Ellie his own stubble and gets her to feel it. Ellie can see that some of the
older girls on the bus are watching her do it which makes her really, really
want to stop. And Mark says, a bit too loudly, you know what I said yesterday about you being beautiful, it's still
true. You're really beautiful and you've got fucking good legs for a twelve
year old. Ellie does a laugh that’s more a noise than a laugh and goes red
and looks out the window and wants Mark to stay and go at the same time.
Mark and Ellie discover that Mark
lives really close to where Ellie's dad lives. He asks her how often she goes
to her dad's and she says every Wednesday
night and every other weekend. Mark gives Ellie his phone number and says you can call me whenever you want. He
says, you should call me tonight actually.
Ellie tries to think of a secret place near her house where she can do this.
Mark sits next to Ellie on the
bus every day now. His friends say, so,
are you two going out now and Mark says fuck
off, you bunch of pricks. He gives Ellie a picture of him so she can look
at it at school. In the photo, he's wearing a suit and a bow tie because he's
going to his end of year ball. She looks at it about twenty times a day.
One day, at lunch, Ellie sees
Laura-Jane who's talking to some of her friends about being fingered.
Laura-Jane looks over at Ellie and Ellie says alright? and Laura-Jane says have you ever been fingered and
Ellie lies. Laura-Jane says to her friend, if she can get fingered so can you,
Lucy, you frigid slag . And everyone laughs. Including Lucy. Laura-Jane
asks Ellie if she's got a boyfriend and Ellie says yeah, he's eighteen, he's doing NVQs. And Laura-Jane says you fucking lying bitch and Ellie says do you wanna see a photo of him and
Laura-Jane says yeah go on then, so
Ellie shows Laura-Jane the photo of Mark in his suit and bow tie. Laura-Jane
passes the photo around the group and someone says fucking hell I know him, that's Mark Hardy he's a fucking pedo.
On the bus a few days later, Mark
tells Ellie that his mum and dad are going away for the weekend and that he has
to look after the dog and that she should come over. Ellie wants to and doesn't
want to at the same time. And she says yeah
ok cool. Mark says will your mum let
you and Ellie says I'm at my dad's
this weekend and he'll drop me off anywhere I want.
Ellie gets to Mark's house a bit
too early and he's still wearing a towel from the shower. Ellie's wearing jeans
and trainers and a jumper. Mark's house is small and old and there's lots of
red furniture and a dog. Ellie doesn't know how to look at or talk to the dog.
The dog sniffs Ellie between her legs and Ellie laughs even though she hates it
and Mark says, he’s got good taste,
hasn’t he.
Mark's bedroom is downstairs
instead of upstairs. There are loads of pictures of super models on his wall
and he's got a double bed and his own shower room. Mark gets changed in front
of Ellie and Ellie laughs a bit and picks at her sleeves. Mark says we should sit on the bed and watch some TV.
So that's what they do. They do it for ages. Ellie starts to need a wee but
doesn’t say anything about it because of having to walk to the loo in front of
Mark.
Mark puts his hand on Ellie's leg
and says I wanna kiss you and then he
kisses her. He kisses her for ages until her lips and cheeks are sore from his
stubble. Mark lies down and brings Ellie with him so that she's on top. They
carry on kissing and Mark's face gets red and he starts to breathe a lot. He
holds onto Ellie's hips and moves them up and down so that she's rubbing
against him. They stop kissing so much but Mark keeps moving her up and down on
top of him and closes his eyes and says fucking
hell a lot. Ellie looks out the window which is at the head of Mark’s bed.
She sees an old woman in the next door garden hanging out the washing. The old
woman's arms are shaking and it takes her a few tries to get the sheet over the
washing line. But she does it eventually.
Mark's eyes are still closed and
his face is really red and really hot and really sticky. His hand moves towards
the buttons on Ellie's jeans and he starts to undo them. Ellie looks down at
his hand and then she sees her own hand grab his and move it away. Mark tries
again and Ellie moves him away again. He tries again. She moves him away. Mark
says just fucking get your jeans off
and Ellie says erm, but... and sits
up. Mark says fucking hell, you're a cock
teaser and then his doorbell rings. Ellie gets the same adrenaline pain in
her chest that she got when Laura-Jane first said alright? to her but this is the bad kind.
It was Paul at the door. Paul is
Mark's mate. Paul says are we going then
and Mark says yeah yeah and Paul says
is she coming and Mark says, I dunno why don't you ask her.
They all get in Paul's car. Ellie
sits in the back. She really needs a wee but she didn't want to say before they
left. Before Mark gets in the front with Paul, he puts his hoodie between
Ellie's legs and says keep that warm for
me will you.
They drive for ages. Ellie really
needs a wee but she doesn't want to say anything. Mark and Paul talk about
people Ellie doesn't know and tell stories about girls' tits they've seen and
say stuff about women they drive past.
When they get to the cinema, Mark
and Paul make a joke about Ellie seeing a PG. Ellie is bursting for a wee now
but she still doesn't go to the loo, even though the loo's right there in
front of her. She just keeps quiet about it. During the film, Mark puts his
hand on Ellie's leg and squeezes her thigh and kisses her neck and whispers in
her ear that she's got amazing tits for a twelve year old. Ellie crosses her
legs for the whole film and when it's finished her feet and bum are numb and
her bladder is screaming.
Outside the cinema, Paul bumps
into a girl he knows and they all talk for a bit. Nobody talks to Ellie though
because she hasn't been introduced. Ellie doesn't know what to do with her
hands, but it’s much worse than when she doesn’t know what to do with her hands
when she's walking down a corridor at school. When the girl leaves, Mark says she is so fucking fit. And then he says
to Ellie, you could be that fit if you
wanted to be and looks at her as if he's a bit angry. Paul calls Mark a
pedo and punches him on the arm. Ellie can't believe how badly she needs a wee.
In the car on the way back, Mark
and Paul play a game about who they'd rather fuck out of a list of famous
women. They ask Ellie who she'd rather fuck out of each of them. Ellie tells
them she can't decide and Mark calls her a fucking whore as a joke. Ellie
starts to get really scared about wetting herself. She nearly asks if they can
pull over but then she changes her mind.
After a while, Mark says to Ellie
are you coming back to mine and Ellie
says she can't because she has to babysit her little sister and she needs to
get back before eight. And Mark says to Paul I told you she was a cock teaser.
As soon as Ellie closes the front
door at her dad's house, she runs up the stairs and into the bathroom. She sits
on the loo for about ten seconds before any pee comes out. She pees for ages. Maybe
even two whole minutes. She hears her brother and sister playing a computer
game in her brother's bedroom. They play a lot of computer games together. They
know all about them. When she's finished peeing, Ellie stays sitting on the
loo for quite a while. She suddenly feels tired and kind of empty. She
closes her eyes for a bit and tries to remember what the film was about. She
thinks about how she wished she’d bought some popcorn. And then, after a few
minutes she hears her dad's voice shouting dinner!
from the bottom of the stairs.