Friday, 16 November 2012

Case Notes

2nd August 2012
Client came to advice centre. Very difficult to communicate with as has quite severe mental health issues and found it very difficult to focus. Client has received an overpayment of Income Support for the period ... . Client says that he can't remember what he was doing during this time but that he wants to appeal. Difficult to write reasons for appeal on form as little is known about situation surrounding overpayment. Completed an appeal form with client and advised that he will be contacted when paper work arrives.

9th August 2012
Received a call from DWP. Was told that reasons given on appeal form are not adequate. Tried to explain that client has mental health problems and was therefore not very coherent regarding his reasons for the appeal but that it was thought best to submit appeal form to get ball rolling and so that client can be given advice about his prospects of success when paper work detailing reasons for decision about overpayment arrives. Was told that appeal will not be accepted. Requested a statement of reasons for the decision instead so that client can be given advice about why the decision was made. Requested that statement be sent to the advice centre rather than client. Was told that this was fine.

17th August 2012
Called client to advise that statement hasn't arrived yet. Called DWP. Was told that statement has been requested and that it cannot be confirmed how long it will take but it 'shouldn't take too long'.

17th September 2012
Wrote to client to tell him that statement still hasn't arrived and to advise him to send statement to advice centre if he receives it instead. Sent client stamped, addressed envelope.

11th October 2012
Client came to advice centre. Statement has still not been sent. Called DWP with client present. Was told that there was no record of request for statement. Explained that another DWP rep said that statement will be sent so there must be a record of the request. Was told that this will be looked in to. Asked if this phone call could be treated as request for statement. Was told that it needs to be in writing. Wrote again.

25th October 2012
Reviewing case. Statement of reasons still not received.

31st October 2012
Called DWP as still no sign of statement. Was told that email was sent to relevant department on 12/10. Was told that someone would call back today with an update. Did not receive call back.

7th November 2012
Called DWP for another update about statement and its whereabouts. Was put on hold. Phone went dead. Called back. Was put through to another department. Phone went dead. Called again. Explained situation. Was told that someone will call back within 24 hours.

8th November 2012
Did not receive call back. Called DWP. Was advised that call back would be made within one hour in accordance with 'escalation procedure'. Did not receive call back after one hour. Called DWP again. Was told that manager will now escalate this as an urgent issue and that call back will be made before 5pm today. Did not receive call back at 5pm. Waited until 5:45pm.

15th November 2012
Called DWP. Was told that there was no record of any requests for call backs. Explained to rep that all that is needed is a statement of reasons for decision about overpayment. Was told that this would require a call back from another department. Insisted that call back be made to advice centre ASAP. Was told that call back would be made within one hour. Did not receive call back. Called client to ask if he had been called by DWP. He said not.

16th November 2012
Called DWP again. Pleaded with them to call back today with information about why it's been so difficult for the statement to be sent to client. Was told that call back would be made within 30 minutes. Waited for an hour and no call back. Called DWP again after two hours. Was told that there was no record of phone number for advice centre. Explained that this is impossible as this had been given and confirmed during each call. Was told that someone will call back within 24 hours. Explained that this time scale was unacceptable given that this has been going on since August. Was told that call back will be made within one hour. After one hour, finally received call back. Was told that a statement could be prepared but that there was no record of client having given his authority for advice centre to act for him. Explained that client had given his authority on his initial appeal form for advice centre to act for him. Was told that appeal form is with another department. Asked why it can't be scanned and emailed to the correct department. Was told that it is not clear which department it is with. Was advised to write to DWP an enclose a form of authority signed by client and that when this is received, statement of reasons will 'hopefully' be sent.

Cool. Really glad that's all totally sorted.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012




You have a tendency to shout too loud this month. It's because you're an attention seeker, which is fine, but do try to keep it down for the latter part of the month because your power animal is going into hibernation and probably won't want to be disturbed. Also: knees.




If you're feeling low this month, don't worry; it's because the moon's pressing on your liver a little bit. If you're not feeling low, buy some spikes. You'll know what to do.


Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, Polly out the kettle on, we'll all have tea! If you don't know why this is in your horoscope this month, you need to do some serious work on yourself. Loser.


Get rid of all your buckets. Or anything bucket-like. We're not sure if this includes cups or not. It probably does. 


Andy? Are you Andy? Where's Andy? WHERE THE FUCK IS ANDY.


Well, well well... (this is a link. You need to click on it)


Somebody, somewhere really misses you. It's someone who really misses you. They haven't seen you for ages and they wish they could. They really miss you. They think about you a lot. They really think about you. In a missing you sort of way. You won't know who it is but they will. Because it's them who misses you.


This month is your month for the Michell Solution! Well done, Cancer!

   \varphi &= A_0~r^2 + B_0~r^2~\ln(r) + C_0~\ln(r) + D_0~\theta \\
      & + \left(A_1~r + B_1~r^{-1} + B_1^{'}~r~\theta + C_1~r^3 + 
      D_1~r~\ln(r)\right) \cos\theta \\
      & + \left(E_1~r + F_1~r^{-1} + F_1^{'}~r~\theta + G_1~r^3 + 
      H_1~r~\ln(r)\right) \sin\theta \\
      & + \sum_{n=2}^{\infty} \left(A_n~r^n + B_n~r^{-n} + C_n~r^{n+2} + D_n~r^{-n+2}\right)\cos(n\theta) \\
      & + \sum_{n=2}^{\infty} \left(E_n~r^n + F_n~r^{-n} + G_n~r^{n+2} + H_n~r^{-n+2}\right)\sin(n\theta) 


There will be lights. There will be cameras. They might be action. If there is action, it will probably be in a car park near Wigan. You're lovely. xxx


Every night in my dreams 
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance 
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on


Tick tock, tick, tock, tick tock. Uh oh...
Also: Whales.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Eavesdrop #13

A woman is on a bus talking on her mobile phone:

... vodka just does that to me though, you know? 

It sends me round the absolute bend.

It's like, when I'm fucked on vodka, I just jump straight from the fireworks into the fire, do you know what I mean?

Thursday, 1 November 2012

The Man

The man is in Somalia

Where there is a terrible war

So the man flees

But leaves his family

He goes to Norway

And becomes a Norwegian

But he has cousins in the UK

So after a while he comes to the UK to work

He works really hard

He makes some good friends

He has quite a nice time

But fears for his family

And then he gets cancer

And gets pretty ill pretty quickly

He has an operation

But there is nothing they can do

Because it's all over his body

The man is discharged to a care home

Where elderly people are slumped in chairs

That are positioned by windows

But the chairs are far too big for their tiny bodies

So their heads flop to one side

Their tiny heads

Like babies

The care home stinks of actual piss

Even though it isn't really a dirty place

It's probably no one's fault

It's just the way these places smell

The man makes a claim for sickness benefit

Because he's really sick now

He was told by someone that he'd get it

Because he's been living and working here for ages

But he is turned down

Because he doesn't have a right to reside in the UK

Due to the gaps in his employment history

The man asks for legal advice

And asks if he's going to be deported

And he's told he's not

That not having a right to reside doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to be here

The man is told that this is a really complicated area of law

But that it looks like he might have a good case

Although the appeal could take a really long time to process

The man gets a look on his face that says, 'time is something I don't have a lot of'

The man says, 'but I don't have money'

The man shakes his head

He does this for ages

Really slowly

The man says, 'they tell me I have the cancer'

And he starts to unbutton his shirt

To prove it

But he's told that this isn't necessary

The man says 'I am dying'

He says it out loud

It might be the first time he's said it

And he says it again

He says he's scared of it and doesn't want it to hurt

And that he tries to pray every day

But that it doesn't work

And then the man starts to weep

And to speak in a language that probably even he can't understand